Free

1) Last Day N Future
... today was my last working day .. so from now on, I am unemployed .. wonder if I should start a tabung derma or something like that .. what I am gonna do for the next 1, 2 months while looking for another job, is to do some reflecting, perhaps... think about various stuff ..now that I actually have some free time ;-)
I am gonna do an east coast escapade ... get some real nasi kerabu ;-) n check out the east coast flava... cewah ;-)

2) Be Still My Heart !

Is it true ? .. it is not about changing, but accepting the person for what she is .. and telling her that you accept her the way she is ... dia caya ke tidak, when u say like this ..? ;-) hmmm....

This song was popular when I arrived in the States ... and it is kind of related a bit to what is going on right now .. ;-p ...

Baby I'm Yours
by Shai


Understand girl that my heart is in your hands.
And I'm cautious. Of falling in love again.
So please don't hurt me, I'm scared.
Don't desert me, I'm afraid.
Of being a fool. Again.

So Baby I'm yours, if you want me. And if you want my sweet love.
And Baby I'm yours, if you need me. La la la.
Loving you forever, if you want me. Give me your love.
Baby I'm yours, if you need me. Ohh...

Realize girl that my faith is kind of torn.
Watch your step girl, Because my heart is weak and worn.
So won't you please be careful, I'm fragile.
I can't imagine the damage,
I have to handle. If you hurt me one more time,
Please be mine.

So Baby I'm yours, if you want me. And if you want my sweet love.
And Baby I'm yours, if you need me. La la la.
Loving you forever, if you want me. Give me your love.
Baby I'm yours, if you need me. Ohh...

Baby, I've been through a whole lot of relationships,
Whole lot of broken promises,
but now I'm ready for a real one sweet heart.
Yes I am.
You don't have to worry baby.
Don't you every go away.
Baby I'm, Baby Baby I'm yours.
Baby I'm, Baby Baby I'm yours.
Baby I'm, Baby Baby I'm yours.
Baby I'm, Baby Baby I'm yours.
Baby I'm, Baby Baby I'm yours.
So Baby I'm yours, if you want me. And if you want my sweet love.
And Baby I'm yours, if you need me. La la la.
Loving you forever, if you want me. Give me your love.
Baby I'm yours, if you need me. Ohh...

later ....

Being Brave

I stepped out of my comfort zone yesterday, and it continued to today. Despite my fears, still haunted by the demons of my past, I was like giving a shot and see how it goes. The result ? I don't know .. maybe I'll never know .. or maybe I'll know soon .. I don't know .. but, I am giving a shot and hope my heart can take it ...

dedicated to her :-)

MAROON 5 "She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

.. later ...

Wishing For ?

1) Mini Instropective

..the long weekend that I had .. gave me a chance to think about some stuff of my life currently...personal and work .. at times, I feel disenchanted with what is going on so far ... looking at other people's lives, ,I feel like they are having a better time than mine.... but, fikir2, what I have is better than some folks out there .. then came the lesson ... Be Happy, Syukur With What You Have .. Never Lose Desire For The Better ..

2) A Lot Like Love & The Smiths

Saw two movies these past few days ... both are recommended :-)

A Lot Like Love - I would say that the key to this movie's success is the chemistry betweem two leads, Oliver n Emily ... it's like a Gen X When Harry Met Sally wannabe ... I enjoyed it, there were some really good moments ... two of them .. one : when Oliver's bro told him to get up and face life, in sign language, at the beach .. Olly's just lost his business, and moved in back with his parents.. two : Olly sang Bn Jovi's I'll Be There For You for Emily at Emily's doorstep .. I know the movie is kinda corny at times ...hehe ..but, I liked it and may watch it again in the theatres..

Mr N Mrs Smith - it's a cool movie I admit .. again the chemistry between the leads made this movie pretty watchable .. I liked that both leads seemed to be having fun and not take themselves too seriously ;-) .. it was good popcorn movie stuff .. plus the song Making Love Out Of Nothing At All, will never be the same for me .. ;-)

3) A Marriage

A fellow blogger's bro got married and he is working same place as I am right now ( ( I am leaving soon though ... ). Met the guy and he is a cool chap. I have read her postings for the past 2 years plus and to sum her up .. she is cool, wacky, fun, great wife n mom ... her link is here. There is a link to the pics of her bro's wedding.


4) Last Week

It is my last week where I am working ... hmm, rasa tak sabar2 nak ciao pulak ..n go on my vacation / break / soul searching sessions .. ;-P

Later....

For My Dad n Mom

.. thought of both songs for my parents ... only now, I begin to understand them ...

MAMA - Spice Girls -

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Ever other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would become the friend I never had,
Back then I didn't know why, why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes, all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend
I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now,

Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had alot of time to think about, about the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibilty
Back then I didn't know why, why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes, all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend
But now I'm sure I know why, why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes, all I can give you is love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend


The Living Years - Mike N The Mechanics -

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

.. have a good weekend ;-) .. it is my last working weekend .. ;-)

Ipoh Mali

1) Life Lessons ... >>>

Last Monday, I did a crazy thing. I decided to join a friend and his 'friend' in Ipoh for dinner. The plan was simple .. go down to Ipoh for dinner .. lepak with them for a couple of hours .. then balik to Penang. But u know what they say about good and noble intentions ...
After work, it was straight up ride there .. now, my transport was my beloved BFJ... those who know what it looks like.. enuff .. so in the middle of the night around 9 pm .. the bike broke down ! .. I was at the km 230 .. the hill before the Perak Simen.. my friend couldn't help me .. dumb ass ! .. a kind pakcik on a kapcai offered to tarik me .. but takde tali. So on a busy stretch of a highway .. 30+ km from Ipoh .. broke down bike .. pushing a bike uphill .. reaching on top of the hill... went down the drop ..no lights with only the signal lights ..it was dangerous I admit .. but, hey what to do ... ;-) .. after the cement plant, it went up again .. so had to push the bike up again.. but what happened made me feel glad to be alive and ashamed of myself of the same time.
A van stopped at the side near the hill. Two chaps asked what the trouble was .. I told them what happened and told them where I was going... so what did they do ? Took my bike in the back of my van .. took me in .. and drove me all the way to Ipoh .. dropped my bike at a motor shop near Ipoh Garden.. dropped me at the Ipoh Specialist for my friend to pick me up. And for saving me, both of them refused the cash I wanted to give them, even though I offered a few times. I remembered what of them said .. " takpe la bang .. tak payah la .. nanti mana tahu abang tolong kami pulak ... " To say that I am touched was an understatement ... it also made me thought of a few things .. which is still running in my mind ... most of the thread deals with who I am .. and what I want to be ...

2) My friend n ??

So my friend n his 'friend' .. we had dinner after I arrived .. I took the opportunity to observe the 'friend' the whole time I was there .. I spent the night in Ipoh .. the next day, took leave ... had the motor repaired .. observing the couple during the time I was there .. made me realize that I had no right to judge them .. I don't agree with they are doing ... but in the end, I leave it up to them to take responsibility for their actions ..

During my time in Ipoh, this tune was playing in my head .. pelik la .. a song for the couple perhaps ...

My Boo - Usher n Alicia Keys
[Usher intro:]

There's always that one person
That will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming
Cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo

[Alicia intro:]

I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
Its the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
Its the only way
We know how to rock

[Usher Verse:]

Do you remember girl
I was the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and
People screaming your name
Girl I was there when you were my baby

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were young girl
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man in my life
You will always be my boo

[Alicia Verse:]

I remember boy
Cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy
The moment I knew
You were the one
I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame
And people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were young girl
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man in my life
You will always be my boo

[Usher:]
My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo

[Alicia:]
My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were young girl
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia & Usher:]

I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
Its the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
Its the only way
We know how to rock

Later

PDA Post

.. a post from my PDA

27 May
.the decision to resign from my current work position is something that actually had roots beginning mid 2002.
At that time, I moved from another company in order to escape the company's environment. A few months after I joined, I knew I made a mistake as the job was not something I wanted to do. That started a chain reaction that resulted in me currently studying part-time. I had a rough idea what I wanted to do, but wasn't sure at that time.
I also looked at the financials, saw that I was a bit shaky, and made some decisions about it. Now, it is a bit better.
It took my current employer to make me realize that I did not want to do this kind of gig. The money is good, let me tell ya, but I was at risk of losing my sanity at times.
To the point that people saying that the world does not owe me a living, let me reiterate that I agree with that point, and I owe the world the right to do something that would best serve it, and this gig wasn't it.
So here it goes that I would have one to two months off, hopefully, and then get another gig that I am looking for. Exciting ? Scary ? yes.. I have learnt my lessons n it took a world class firm to show the error of my ways.
A few things from my current gig has helped.. identified a few weaknesses n helping me in working to rectify it. Listening n talking better ... always look at positive angle of bad stuff n apply it for future use, that's been one of my life credos.
I have realized another lesson, .. that I am a reactive person .. meaning that I tend to react to situations more than preparing for it. Will be more preppared for the future.
What a hmm post ..hehe ..

later

All Da Love

... more jiwang post ...

1) I attended two weddings this past weekend and read two Malay romance books from this publisher....

And the result is the song below ...

All the love in the world [remix] THE CORRS

I´m not looking for someone to talk to
I´ve got my friend, I´m more than O.K.
I´ve got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it´s not all they say
Still I believe - I´m missing - I´m missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

- Don´t wanna wake - Don´t wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you´ll walk through my door
All I need is to know it´s for sure
Then I´ll give all the love in the world

I´ve often wondered if love´s an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can´t criticize it
I have no hestitaion
My imagination just stole me away
- Still - Still I believe
- I´m missing - I´m missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

- Don´t wanna wake - Don´t wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you´ll walk through my door
All I need is to know it´s for sure
Then I´ll give all the love in the world

Love´s for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I´m only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me

- Don´t wanna wake - And i won´t wake up alone anymore
Still believing you´ll walk through my door
You´ll reach for me and I´ll know it´s for sure
Then I´ll give all the love in the world
- Don´t wanna wake up alone anymore -

ps/ ignore the girl references ... I am a guy ok !!

2) This lady says I am currently lovesick .. ;-) .. ya la, maybe .. that's why my break is coming up real soon ! .. need to do some thinking and overhauling..

Please go to her blog here .. I enjoy reading her writings .. at times, she writes exactly what I am thinking at the moment !! Parallel universe ehh ;-)

Later...

Lagu Syok Sendiri

If you have cases of syok sendiri .. in case of moir, multiple cases of it ;-) ... this song by one of my fav bands, means a lot ... hehehe... oh goodness gracious me.. :-D

DEF LEPPARD

"It's Only Love"

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na

If you could feel what I feel
If I could make you see
If you could need like I need
I'd be the air that you breathe

You go straight to my head as I lie in my bed
I just can't win
I can't help the state I'm in

It's only love so why is falling in it
The one thing that you can't do
It's only love then why am I hurting from it
It's only love if you're hurting too

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na

If you could share my wildest thoughts
Meet me in my mind
If you could want the way that I want
You'd want me all the time

You go straight to my head when I lie in my bed
I just can't win
I can't stop the state I'm in

It's only love so why is falling in it
The one thing that you can't do
It's only love then why am I hurting from it
It's only love if you're hurting too

Every dream I dream has got you in
And every minute with you means everything
I wanna take you there where you've never been
In my dreams

You go straight to my head as I lie in my bed
I just can't win
I can't help the state I'm in

It's only love so why is falling in it
The one thing that you can't do
It's only love so why am I hurting from it
It's only love if you're hurting too

Na na na na na na na na na
It's only love if you're hurting too
Na na na na na na na na na
It's only love if you're hurting too

- later -

Beatles Song

-- a song post ----

I love this song .. and it's not even their original song ... if only love were this simple ;-)

Baby It's You - Beatles

It's not the way you smile that touched my heart
It's not the way you kiss that tears my apart

But how many many many nights go by
I sit alone at home and cry over you
What can I do
Can't help myself
Cause baby it's you
Baby it's you

You should hear what they say about you
(cheat, cheat)
They say, they say you never never ever been true
(cheat, cheat)

Wo ho, it doesn't matter what they say
I know I'm gonna love you any old way
What can I do, then it's true
Don't want nobody, nobody
Cause baby it's you
Baby it's you

Wo ho, it doesn't matter what they say
I know I'm gonna love you any old way
What can I do, then it's true
Don't want nobody, nobody
Cause baby it's you
Baby it's you
Don't leave me all alone


... later ..

Nostalgia

....something that was in the mind these past few days...

1) Nostalgia

from this link .. I found this meaning of a word that has been playing in my mind ..

nos·tal·gi·a

n.
I. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
II. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

Hmm.. I am a nostalgic person rupanya ... hmmmm..... any cure for it ?

2) Anugerah

An old acquaintance got married over the weekend ... I didn't go .. I once gave her this song .. Selamat Pengantin Baru Niz :-)

ANUGERAH TERINDAH YANG PERNAH KUMILIKI - SHEILA ON 7

Melihat tawamu
Mendengar senandungmu
Terlihat jelas dimataku
Warna - warna indahmu

Menatap langkahmu
Meratapi kisah hidupmu
Terlukis jelas bahwa hatimu
Anugerah terindah yang pernah kumiliki

Sifatmu nan slalu
Redakan ambisiku
Tepikan khilafku
Dari bunga yang layu

Saat kau disisiku
Kembali dunia ceria
Tegaskan bahwa kamu
Anugerah terindah yang pernah kumiliki

Belai lembut jarimu
Sejuk tatap wajahmu
Hangat peluk janjimu
Anugerah terindah yang pernah kumiliki 2x


... set adrift on a memory bliss ....

Pool Ku Sayang

This heart beats Red ....what happened in this year's Champions League final, shall forever be in the hearts of those who believe and support the club...

Click this link to go a post and links to other posts on the win :-) See the pictures...read the reviews... enjoy the moment.. it was magical ! ;-)

You'll Never Walk Alone Theme Song of Liverpool FC

When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone…

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone…
You'll never walk alone.

News links
here :-)

MC Day

.. today I took MC from work ... truthfully, I was too tired to feel like going to work..

1) Ta-ta

What I am doing right now is not my cup of tea. So soon I will be free.. and gonna chill for a month or two .. the moment I realized that , a great weight went off my shoulders.. kinda strange though .. it took a world class company to wake me up ! .. it is not the environment or the people .. it is the work.. what I want to do ? Definitely not call centre work .. more towards field support / training kind of gig ...I remembered getting a similar lesson end of 2003, but did not pay attention to it ... lesson here : If you ignore life's lessons, you will keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again ...

2) A blogger got married

A prominent blogger got married over the weekend, somewhere South :-) My best wishes to her .. who is she ? .. one of my favorite bloggers ...hehe ... if u know, u know la .. Congrats !

3) Dilemma

I am in a dilemma with a friend of mine.. I feel for him ... this song is for him .. the concept of it ...

Dilemma - Nelly with Kelly Rowlands

(Kelly)

I love you and I need you
Nelly, I love you, I do,
Need you

No matter what I do....
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you

(Nelly)
Uh-uh
I met this chick and she just moved right up the block from me
And she got the hots for me, the finest thing i'd ever seen
But oh, no, no, she got a man and a son doh-oh, but that’s okay
‘Cuz I wait for my cue and just listen, play my position
Like a shortstop, pick up e’rything mama hittin’
And in no time I better make this with her mine and that’s for sure
‘Cos I-I never been the type to break up a happy home
But uh there’s something ‘bout baby girl, I just can’t leave alone
So tell me, ma, what’s it gonna be
She said, “You don’t know what you mean to me,”

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you

Uh-uh-uh-uh
I see a lot in your look and I never say a word
I know how niggas start actin trippin out here about they girl
And there’s no way-hey-hey Nelly gon' fight ova no dame as you could see
But I like your steeze, your style, your whole demeanor
The way you come through and holler, and swoop me in his two-seater
Now that’s gangsta and I got special ways to thank ya,
don’t you forget it
But uh it ain’t that easy for you to pack up and leave him
But uh you and dirty got ties for different reasons
I respect that and right before I turned to leave
She said, “You don’t know what you mean to me,” come on

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you

Sing it for me, Kelly

I love you and I need you
Nelly, I love you, I do
And it’s more than you’ll ever know
Boy, it’s for sure
You can always count on my love
Forever more, yeah, yeah

East coast, I know you’re shakin’ right
Down south, I know you’re bouncin’ right
West coast, I know you’re walkin’ right
(‘Cos you don’t know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swingin’ right

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you

East coast, I know you’re shakin’ right
Down south, I know you’re bouncin’ right
West coast, I know you’re walkin’ right
(You don’t know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swingin’ right

East coast, you’re still shakin’ right
Down south, I know you’re bouncin’ right
West coast, I know you’re walkin’ right
(You don’t know what you mean to me)
Midwest, you’re still swingin’ right

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
Boy, you know I’m crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you

Yeah, yeah

East coast, I know you’re shakin’ right
Down south, I know you’re bouncin’ right
West coast, I know you’re walkin’ right
(You don’t know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swingin’ right

East coast, you’re still shakin’ right
Down south, I see you’re bouncin’ right
West coast, I know you’re walkin’ right
(You don’t know what you mean to me)
Midwest, you’re still swingin’ right.
oh


dude .. all I can be is listen and offer words .. the choice is yours ...

.. Later amigos ....

PDA Post +++ 3

1) PDA Post III

while waiting for my beloved kena repair, I am writing this post... hm, continuing the previous post .. kadang2, it feels like running yr car into the wall n repeating the process all over ... this is what I thought when it comes to my experiences in relationships.
Then came the realization that I should not be the victim anymore,..it was playing in my head, the victim mode rupa2nya. The process in changing takes time n I admit is still ongoing. It does take time to undo twenty odd years of progamming..
The beginning of the new pogramming is when I met this person whom I shall only call RR. An old friend, I quickly developed feelings for her as usual .. but, in he process of knowing her, she taught me a lot abt self. Now, admittedly, we are just friends n I dont think that we will be more than that, but I owe her a debt of gratitude for inspiring this change.
I fel better now .. it is easier to be with the ladies, when u r not thinking of anything more than kawan2 with them. It is like I am relearning the whole relationship gig, a newbie again.
Right now, I found a new female friend who lives on a nearby island. Though the songs start playing again, I am in command here. I tell myself this ... I dont know her, so begin with a fresh clean slate. No expectations, nothing .. sekurang2nya, I found another friend up here...
waduh, some heavy writings eh ...hehe .. later ..

- late nite

I am in my own apt .. finally move to my own 4 place, nearer to my workplace. Cuts my travelling time abt 30 minutes... a bit bare .. but tunggu la .. hehehe ...

11 May

What if I didn't care anymore ? .. the thought occurred to me .... hmmm, .... maybe I was caring abt minor stuff too much....
At work, I am stressing too much at times .. not that I care .. but, .. I do notice it.... relax relax .. take a deep breath .. prepare , prepare ...

12 May

Man is the master of his thoughts, as I read in the James Hill ebook, As The Man Thinketh. Hmm... we have thoughts running up in our heads all the time during our waking hours ... can we control what is running inside our heads ? ... I have been doing a small ongoing experiment this past week .. whenever my thoughts tend to stray to impossible scenarios, I would immediately bring myself back to reality, to focus on the task at hand.
Results ? .. though it is way too early to judge, at times, I find that it helps me a lot in accomplishing the task at hand. Hmm.. very interesting...
remember my post yesterday about not caring ? I tried it once today n walla ... I felt okay abt the matter that I chose not to care abt .. looking at it, it was a trivial matter after all.

2) A Big Target

I am feeling a bit paranoid at work nowadays ... today was one of dem days .... *sigh* ...

3) Langkawi

I went for a short trip there on Saturday ... I will go back there again ;-)

4) Blog Link

I like going to this blog ... reading it, and at the least, just to make sure that I remember her ;-p

Later ..

PDA Post 2 +++

Allo people .. I have been a bit busy lately .. so here are some stuff I wrote on the PDA :-)

1) PDA

9 May

Hmm, on this wet Monday morning, I ponder the idea that perhaps, all this while … I have been in love with the idea of falling in love. U know , like , just wanting to be in a relationship, just for the sake of it. From what I have read, this is a very dangerous situation to begin with. Cause, once you are actually in on one, the realities might shock the participants, who have been fed, so far, with Hallmark versions of relationships. Sweet n sugary and all of that.

To be honest, dulu I was like that. But, the past few months, my perception has changed. I still like the cheesy stuff, but I am grounded in reality now. Though, current developments ..heheh .. kacau sikit la … ;-)

2) That's all

Nowadays, bila dgr lagu ni kan ... rasa *sigh* .. it is for her .. :-)..who is her ? ..

MICHAEL BUBLE "That's All"

I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
That's all,
That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love even time can't destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all.

..later...

F A H S II

1) Work Grrsss

Enough to say that the song below says what I feel, these past few days ...

"Points Of Authority" LP

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last

You love the way i look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
You take away when I give in
My life
My pride is broken

[Chorus:]
You like to think you're never wrong
(You live what you've learned)
You have to act like you're someone
(You live what you've learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you've learned)
You want to share what you have been through
(You live what you've learned)

You love the things i say i'll do
The way i hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away when I give in
My life
My pride is broken

lesson : Being helpful sucks !

2) Extra Pain

Residue from weekend plus no 1) makes today a big pain .. seriously, around 6 pm, I was numb .. keep saying positive stuff ..words like, "challenge" n "diamonds in the rough" thing ... semoga aku bersabar dengan cabaran dan dugaanNya ...

- the candle slowly flickers in the wind and rain ....

F A H S

Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side .. then it leads to sadness and loneliness ....

F*** it all ... I'm gonna have the cigarette now ....

PDA Post

23/4/05

Reading this morning's paper saw the announcement of a local celebrity's mysterious future spouse. DPM's younger brother it seems.
Normally, I couldn't care less but .. this lady is an exception. She first came to prominence as the host of this program. Then, sometime last year, she announced that she was quitting the media and continuing her studies. Speculation began soon after, linking her to a VVIP's brother. Earlier this year, she confirmed it, but didn’t reveal the guy, promised to do so, when the time comes. So it came...
Actually, this lady had a relationship earlier with a prominent local blogger, which came to fore, during the lady's media career. From local tabloid reports, it happened during their university days, but ended at the end of it. The blogger did acknowledge their relationship, both in the tabloid reports and in his blog.

Click here and here on the news of the wedding ..
I wonder how he feels now. He did write abt moments of meeting her, after their relationship ended. Those awkward moments. Well, I guess they had their good times and the memories would last forever. When I read the news, this song played in my mind, which the lyrics I reproduce below. To the guy, I hope and pray that u r doin okay ;-) ...

Ill Be Over You

Toto

Some people live their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny passes by
There are no guarantees, there are no alibis
That's how our love must be, don't ask why

It takes some time, god knows how long
I know that I can forget you
As soon as my heart stops breakin', anticipating
As soon as forever is through I'll be over you

Remembering times gone by
Promises we once made
What are the reasons why
Nothing stays the same

There were the nights holding you close
Someday I'll try to forget them
As soon as my heart stops breakin', anticipating
As soon as forever is through I'll be over you

As soon as my heart stops breakin', anticipating
Someday I'll be over you
As soon as my heart stops breakin', anticipating
As soon as forever is through I'll be over you
Someday I'll be over you
As soon as my heart stops breakin', anticipating


One other thing, the hantaran is 40k !!! aiyo, she really set the bar la, this woman. Any guy marrying a Penang lady,jaga2, the hantaran might be a bit more lepas ni. My best wishes to the married couple;-)


26 April

This morning, I got slapped n the face , not literally. Someone who I thought was with a person, was not ..n is dating someone else. They r close friends rupa2nya, as the lady had always maintained. I owe the guy an apology n will do so, when I meet him.
Last weekend, was a good one.. Went to the klibf on sat n sun, beli byk reading materials !.. met a few friends, saw this movie which I enjoyed very much.
It was a weekend which I did a lot of reflecting. On various matters. Confession, I do a lot of thinking n strategizing, but it all stays in the mind. This time, it must go out n put into paper !

later

* This was posted from my PDA ;-) tu yang tarikh lambat sikit ....

Tuesday

1) Awareness

Sometimes, when you reach a higher level of awareness, you develop new insights into stuff that you thought you never had answers to. The last few days have been 'revealing' in that aspect. Omigod, I am finally growing up! ;-) I know some of my friends will be more than happy about this .. ;-P

2) This song is definitely abt the big L. Each time I hear this song, a certain melancholic feel comes over me ...

Artist: Whitney Houston Lyrics
Song: Exhale (Shoop Shoop) Lyrics

Everyone falls in love sometime
Sometimes it's wrong
And sometimes it's right
For every win
Someone must fail
But there comes a point when
When we exhale (yeah, yeah, say)

[Chorus:]
Shoop, Shoop, Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (yeah)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop
(All you got to say is shoo be doop)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Shoo be doop)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop
Shoo Be Doo

Sometimes you'll laugh
Sometimes you'll cry
Life never tells us
The when's or why's
When you've got friends to wish you well
You'll find a point when
You wille exhale (yeah, yeah, say)

[Chorus:]
Shoop, Shoop, Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (shoo shoo shoo huh)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Sho0 be)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Say shoop say shoo be say shoo be)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (say shoo-hoo say sho)
Shoo Be Doo (be doo oh)

Hearts are often broken
When there are words unspoken
In your soul there's
Answers to your prayers
If you're searching for
A place you know
A familiar face
Somewhere to go
You should look inside yourself
You're halfway there

[Repeat Verse 2]

[Chorus:]
Shoop, Shoop, Shoop (Shoo Be)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Shoo Be)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Shoo Be)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Shoo-hoo-hoo be)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (Shoo be doop doop doop hoo hoo hoo)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (do do shoo be shoo be feels alright)
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop (You can say oh)
Shoo Be Doo

3) PDA Post

I also blog in my PDA. Yeah .. like a diary kind of thing.. anyway, when I can transfer it online, I will ya .. ;-) PDA definitely offline version

4) Blog Of The Post

She is my sista.... Check her out .. 'nuff said. ;-) ..ps: Jaga2 ya ..

Later.

Familiar

1) Does this sound familiar ? ;-)

I Love You Came Too Late
Joey McIntyre

Baby listen to me
If I had the chance
I’d say the words
(Come on)

The bluest of blue
That’s what your eyes are
That’s what I am today
And if I had it all to do
All over again
I wouldn’t have waited so long to say

I can’t live without you (Live without you)
Don’t want nobody else (Nobody else)
Baby listen very closely
I love you

I couldn’t lie
She couldn’t wait (But wait)
I love you came too late
I’d give my life for yesterday
I love you came too late

I should’ve seen the signs
Paid more attention
But I pushed your love away (Pushed your love away)
So she found someone to give her what she needed (Somebody else)
Somebody else not afraid to say (Not afraid to say)

I can’t live without you (Live without you)
Don’t want nobody else (Nobody else)
Baby listen very closely
I love you

I couldn’t lie (I couldn’t lie)
She couldn’t wait (She couldn’t wait for me)
I love you came too late (I love you came too late)
I’d give my life (I’d give my life)
For yesterday (For yesterday)
I love you came too late (I love you came too late)

I can’t live without you (Live without you)
Don’t want nobody else (Nobody else)
My heart is in my head
I took a good look at myself
If I had another chance
I’d shout it out to the world (I swear I would)
I love you (uh uh yeah yeah)

I couldn’t lie (I couldn’t lie)
She couldn’t wait (She couldn’t wait for me)
I love you came too late (She wouldn’t wait for me)
I’d give my life for yesterday (I’d give my life for yesterday)
I love you came too late (I love you came too late)

I couldn’t lie (I couldn’t lie)
She couldn’t wait (She couldn’t wait)
I love you came too late (Please, don’t say it’s too late)
I’d give my life (I’d give my life for you)
For yesterday (For yesterday)
I love you came too late (I love you came too late)

I couldn’t lie (I couldn’t lie)
She couldn’t wait (She couldn’t wait for me)
I love you came too late
I’d give my life for yesterday
I love you came too late


2) Link -- I like going to this blog, this chap is considered one of Malaysia's blog royalty. He is the guy who started Petaling Street .. and it is still running !!! He can be found here...

;-p

Have U Seen Her

1) Blog Link

Yo, people .. starting today, I will be posting a blog link with each of my post. Sort of spread the love kind of thing :-)

2) Have U Seen Her ?

I am looking for her .. bila ya jumpa ?

Stone Roses
She Bangs The Drums


I can feel the earth begin to move
I hear my needle hit the groove
And spiral through another day
I hear my song begin to say
Kiss me where the sun don't shine
The past was yours
But the future's mine
You're all out of time

I don't feel too steady on my feet
I feel hollow I feel weak
Passion fruit and holy bread
Fill my guts and ease my head
Through the early morning sun
I can see her here she comes

She bangs the drums

Have you seen her have you heard
The way she plays there are no words
To describe the way I feel

How could it ever come to pass
She'll be the first she'll be the last
To describe the way I feel
The way I feel

Have you seen her have you heard
The way she plays there are no words
To describe the way I feel

How could it ever come to pass
She'll be the first she'll be the last
To describe the way I feel
The way I feel

Have you seen her have you heard
The way she plays there are no words
To describe the way I feel

How could it ever come to pass
She'll be the first she'll be the last
To describe the way I feel
The way I feel

3) Link - Annotations ... I like this blogger writings... some of her writings are way cool :-).. a young Malaysian Malay Muslim woman perspective...

Later