Monday, May 16, 2005

PDA Post +++ 3

1) PDA Post III

while waiting for my beloved kena repair, I am writing this post... hm, continuing the previous post .. kadang2, it feels like running yr car into the wall n repeating the process all over ... this is what I thought when it comes to my experiences in relationships.
Then came the realization that I should not be the victim anymore, was playing in my head, the victim mode rupa2nya. The process in changing takes time n I admit is still ongoing. It does take time to undo twenty odd years of progamming..
The beginning of the new pogramming is when I met this person whom I shall only call RR. An old friend, I quickly developed feelings for her as usual .. but, in he process of knowing her, she taught me a lot abt self. Now, admittedly, we are just friends n I dont think that we will be more than that, but I owe her a debt of gratitude for inspiring this change.
I fel better now .. it is easier to be with the ladies, when u r not thinking of anything more than kawan2 with them. It is like I am relearning the whole relationship gig, a newbie again.
Right now, I found a new female friend who lives on a nearby island. Though the songs start playing again, I am in command here. I tell myself this ... I dont know her, so begin with a fresh clean slate. No expectations, nothing .. sekurang2nya, I found another friend up here...
waduh, some heavy writings eh ...hehe .. later ..

- late nite

I am in my own apt .. finally move to my own 4 place, nearer to my workplace. Cuts my travelling time abt 30 minutes... a bit bare .. but tunggu la .. hehehe ...

11 May

What if I didn't care anymore ? .. the thought occurred to me .... hmmm, .... maybe I was caring abt minor stuff too much....
At work, I am stressing too much at times .. not that I care .. but, .. I do notice it.... relax relax .. take a deep breath .. prepare , prepare ...

12 May

Man is the master of his thoughts, as I read in the James Hill ebook, As The Man Thinketh. Hmm... we have thoughts running up in our heads all the time during our waking hours ... can we control what is running inside our heads ? ... I have been doing a small ongoing experiment this past week .. whenever my thoughts tend to stray to impossible scenarios, I would immediately bring myself back to reality, to focus on the task at hand.
Results ? .. though it is way too early to judge, at times, I find that it helps me a lot in accomplishing the task at hand. Hmm.. very interesting...
remember my post yesterday about not caring ? I tried it once today n walla ... I felt okay abt the matter that I chose not to care abt .. looking at it, it was a trivial matter after all.

2) A Big Target

I am feeling a bit paranoid at work nowadays ... today was one of dem days .... *sigh* ...

3) Langkawi

I went for a short trip there on Saturday ... I will go back there again ;-)

4) Blog Link

I like going to this blog ... reading it, and at the least, just to make sure that I remember her ;-p

Later ..