Finally confronted the awful truth. There was something inside of me that hindered my progress towards a better life. The enemy is Envy.
To be honest, I did not really think much about it until a few days ago. When I realized this, I decided to consciously become aware when the feelings materialize.
It materializes whenever I hear / see people I personally know being successful at whatever they do. I became envious and had thoughts of their success being 'bad' and wished they would fail. Unknowingly, I sabotaged myself.
What is the cure ? The cure is the healing process. Now, every time after I perform my solat, I would offer a prayer of gratitude, thanking God for all that He has given me. I feel now that my soul is lighter a bit.
Syukur alhamdullillah for all that I have ... focus on what you have and want to have :-)