Aku masih penyokong tegar Liverpool FC. Musim lepas, SaS begitu mengasyikkan ... so near yet so far ... tapi, sebenarnya...masa pertengahan musim lepas .... aku sedar ... sedar, sedar untuk segala sayang dan dedikasi aku terhadap kelab ini ... menang, seri atau kalah mereka .. aku masih macam ini ... selepas 90 minit setiap perlawanan mereka .. my life is still more or less the same ....
Bagaimana kalau dedikasi dan sayang aku pada Liverpool aku curahkan juga kepada hidup aku? The same care, passion and effort ..... selepas itu, setiap Pool menang, kalah atau seri .. aku masih boleh senyum dan menjalani hidup ... bohonglah kalau tidak terasa apabila Pool kalah atau seri, tapi kesannya tidak seperti dulu .... kerana pengurus dan pemain Liverpool bermain dan mempunyai kesan secara langsung pada kelab Liverpool khususnya, but not to my life ... I am the one in charge and my decisions my life ... bukan Liverpool decisions affect my life ...
Sudah dekat penghujung 2014 ... bagaimana keadaan anda sekarang berbanding dengan awal tahun? Biar saya bertaruh 10 sen ... masih sama kan? 80% nothing has changed .. correct? ;-) okay, anda hutang saya 10 sen ...
For the past few weeks, I have to admit that the dark moods that I had during my 20s are making a comeback. They don't stay long, but long enough to inflame the doubts in the mind. Doubts that come from the 'shoulda, woulda, couldas' ... it makes me incapable to think clearly and positively. The film of the past would furiously be playing in full HD and surround sound. And the background voice would repeating the same phrase over and over again ..."Tu la kau ... tu la kau ... orang lain dah berjaya.. kau camtu gak ..."
Especially, in the past month, I got into the habit of comparing my career to my childhood friends, school mates .. and most of the time, it was disheartening. Just looking at the potential I had in my 20s and how I threw it all away ... because I was moping, sulking about my Jasin and college years ...
then I saw the pattern ... that I spent my 30s sulking about my 20s ... and that is why I think my biz pursuit in my 30s did not go well.. I was busy chasing so many things that I lost focus ... now in my early 40s, I will not repeat the same behavior again.
Syukur, writing this post has helped me to clarify my muddled thoughts a bit ... in a sense, I am still a a work in process ... recovering and going to a better place ... I have to keep the faith that what I am doing right now will lead me to success for me and my family.
One thing for sure ... if you want to change for better, you have to ask the man in the mirror to change .. the man in the mirror knows you better .....
Pada masa saya kecil sehingga lewat remaja, saya selalu diperkecilkan, dipermain2kan dan diperlekehkan. Dan saya akan menjadi sangat marah. Perasaan marah itu seperti api yang membakar. Dan saya akan bungkuskan kemarahan itu dalam ais sejuk dan ia menjadi satu ketul ais. Sekian lama, ia menjadi timbunan ketul-ketul ais. Dan dalam ketulan-ketulan ais ini ada Naga.
Pada masa sekarang, kadang-kadang, bila rasa marah, saya boleh rasa kewujudan Naga ini, and it scares me to think what can happen if I let it take control ...
I hate the situation as described in blog post title above. Why? Been there, done that. Romantic movies / drama / sitcoms make it so cute but IT IS NOT! blah2, hopefully he/she will see you as a better partner than the current partner...uh uh, no it does not if rarely happens.
It does not work because no matter what you did or do .. he/she will never see past your gallant/good acts .. treating it just as an act of a best friend who is suppose to do that ... does it suck? yes... does it feel sucks? most definitely ... but if you make your move and get out .. the hurt will lessen in time and your life will be better ...
Get off the floor and believe in life .. there are other romantic opportunities where life goes on .. your life goes on, and that person's will go on (if not already).
One of my past situations involved this scenario. It was cute at first, then you realize that you are just the sounding board/feedback wall ... the couple still ends up together and you are left clutching nothing ...
and you are always the invisible man .. :P
dulu best la lagu ni ... bila dengar balik, rasa terkilan sebab dulu kita je asyik mengharap ....
ingatlah ... bahawa masa lepas adalah masa lepas ... coulda, shoulda, woulda tidak akan memberi manfaat kecuali merebahkan dan melalaikan kita kepada masa sekarang dan masa akan datang ....
aduh, diri ini sudah tertipu dan sudah sedar .. doakan aku terus berdiri dan berlari ke hadapan .. Amin.
Discipline must be done consistently. Kalau tidak, ia tidak akan menjadi. Betul? Focus pada proses dan hasilnya akan menjadi semula jadi. Pelajaran hidup baru.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different result. That is insanity Lesson 1. Insanity Lesson 2-not learning and applying Insanity Lesson 1.
Pada sekitar pertengahan Julai 1981, Sukan SEA sedang berlangsung di Manila, Filipina. Dan sekitar minggu 17 Julai, aku menonton perlawanan bola keranjang wanita Indonesia bertemu Filipina. Terus suka dengan nama seorang pemain Indonesia ini ... pada malam itu, Papa turun ke kereta di parkir UH setelah melawat Mama di wad. Katanya, "ha,.. korang dapat baby sister .. nak nama apa?" .. spontan den jawab, " Nama Juliana la Pa.. macam sedap je " ... itulah kisahnya. Nama adik ku sempena nama pemain bola keranjang wanita Indonesia ;-) ... just nak put that into record! :D
Selamat Hari Jadi ke XX kepada my adik bongsu Juliana Ismail :) rakan tengok wayang CM masa late 90s dulu :D have a great celebration!!
Syukur, I am 41 today :) Alhamdullillah, this past week has been eventful, an awakening that I thought would never be possible. My gratitude to Him for the all blessings that He has given me. Syukur :) and may He gives more in the future. My thanks to my parents, Ismail Md Noor and Puteh Ismail for being the best they can be as parents. To my family, wife Linda & kids Zara, Farah .. who bring me smiles and joy every single day. To my siblings, Ajie, Novie and Julia, thank you for being around, InsyaAllah, we will be back together.
Sejak awal tahun ini, saya telah membuat tekad. Tekad bahawa UCSI adalah tempat terakhir kerja saya sebagai seorang akademia. Dalam suatu kerjaya, ada matlamat yang harus dicapai untuk 'mencukupkan' kerjaya itu. Dalam kerjaya akademia, dua perkara utama tersebut adalah membuat penyelidikan dan menghasilkan tulisan akademik dan menyambung pengajian phD.
Dan akhirnya, setelah tujuh tahun berkecimpung dalam bidang ini, I come to realization that for all intents and purposes ... it is not my path anymore ... and continuing this path will not make me happy in the long run ....
Drastik bukan .... kerja stabil tetapi tidak mahu teruskan kerja ini ... habis itu, mahu buat apa? Hujung tahun lepas, saya berfikir .. 20 tahun akan datang ... apa yang akan saya lakukan? Sayangnya,bayangan dunia akademik saya agak malap. Saya boleh teruskan dengan apa yang saya lakukan sekarang, tetapi rasanya tidak akan ke mana.
Tapi, saya bersyukur dapat merasa kerja sebagai seorang ahli akademik ... saya dapat masa untuk berfikir secara terang, sambil membuat sesuatu yang menyeronokkan.. dan bekerja dengan orang muda membuatkan saya jiwa muda :) hehehe ....
Saya tahu masa depan saya masih dalam bidang pendidikan, tetapi mungkin pendidikan ilmu lain ...
In the movie, " Pursuit of Happyness " .. there is a scene where Chris Gardner talks about the 10 gallon hat of disappointment in his head .. I know how he feels I guess, because for the past years, I felt the same. The coulda, shoulda, wouldas .... the constant comparisons to friends your age who are far more successful .... and the list go on and on .... so what did I do about it? Ignoring it did not work as it still gnawed on my mind.
I just ACCEPTed it. That was the first thing I did. I admitted that I effed up my 20s and early 30s in terms of career, especially. And I am behind and must accept where I am. The next thing was moving on, acknowledging that the memories are there and plan your current and future. I forgiven a few fellas and l felt better. Letting go truly works and can be therapeutic.
One thing about change that I learnt in the past month is that you have to plan for your change. There must be details in this plan, so that you know what to do when the need or situation arises . p
One minor change in my diet for the past month is I have limited/remove intake of sugared water during working weekdays. I do my best to drink plain water / air masak, during these times. Or iced water / Coke Light. No Milo, teh o ais and the works. Result: I feel a bit lighter and I like it. Will continue doing it. I have not been 100% successful, but it is not a bad thing.
oh and I have been posting my old diary entries from my Jasin school days in this blog. Nothing has been edited, as it has been posted word by word. Reading it again brings a different perspective. I was a bit naive then, that's for sure.
A recent picture of Me and my Pool :)
and I like to finish with this video of Michael Jackson performing 'Man In The Mirror' live. Now that he's gone, more people miss him and realize what a legend he was.
A common theme in my posts in the past years has been my desire for change. Of course, I want to change for the better. In 2014, I did some changes to how I work ... and discovered that something interesting and significant.
What I did was I just scheduled my work stuff/details ahead of time. Nothing major. And the results were significant. I was able to handle more workload especially the pressure. There was less 'paralysis' and more movement-more completed tasks, etc.
Eureka! ( just for illustration )
In the end, it was just that I had a 'system'. That is what it was .... a system of how to do things ... and actually, all of us have been doing that all this while .. what is a human body, but a system of interconnected organs, for example.
So lesson here ... Change is good, have a system that would implement the change ... and it should fit you as a person-Who you are ...
Satu buku yang mengandungi catatan peribadi tuan penulisnya yang santai dan bersahaja, dengan maksud yang mendalam. Apa yang ditulis oleh tuan Nazali, kita juga mungkin pernah mengalami, bukan kisah yang sama, tetapi konteks yang sama. Yang menjayakan buku ini adalah catatan - catatan beliau yang jujur dan datang dari jiwa. Ia memberi kesan dan inspirasi kepada pembacanya. Saya berikan lima bintang kerana banyak pengajaran beliau dalam buku ini adalah praktikal dan relevan untuk masa ini. Juga, saya peminat tegar Liverpool :) YNWA!
Kagum dengan kisah hidup tuan Nazali yang dibukukan ini. Juga ada nasihat-nasihat yang berguna. Walaupun beliau sekeluarga berhijrah ke UK, tapi Malaysia tetap di hati. Hmm, memang aku ada berniat untuk berhijrah ke tanah Amerika, cuma bimbang mengenai nawaitu dan sekiannya. Akan aku beri pertimbangan sepenuhnya, InsyaAllah.
Kepada tuan Nazali, tahniah atas kejayaan buku ini dengan menyunting semangat Liverpool Football Club dengan kisah2 hidup anda. YNWA!! :)
Being in the 40s these past few weeks have been a bit sucky :P .. why? I am reminded of my 20-30s which lead to a pearl of wisdom I imparted to my ex-students. The wisdom- what we do in the 20s and 30s lead to where we are. Cliche and true.
Being introspective is good and bad. Good as it keeps you grounded, and bad, as it makes me you rue the stuff you screwed up- the shoulds and what-ifs. And it can be overwhelming.
The cure for this I guess as I my old lecturer Joel Boyd used to say, " Keep On Living ". And work on your Now and Future.
As some of you who might read my blog, I have issues with my pasts which still stays in the background. I do my best to keep focus, but dang it still f**king lingers ...
Linda also has been giving me signals about staying home full time. I think she is tired of the whole corporate life. Can't blame her much. She is a homegirl, who wants to do her thing. I think ;-)
And one thing I have to say, I miss the USA. There I said it.
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